Whilst immigration brings new opportunities and safety, it also brings about uncertainty and vulnerability. Often as adults we go through emotional ebbs and flows, we feel the stress and we try to be strong for each other and our kids. We focus on finding our feet, and settling our families, identifying the right schools, integrating into our new culture, grieving what we left behind and embracing what we moved towards.
Whilst we are doing these things, so are our kids. They too are also trying to adapt and adjust. They may be excited with us, or just the opposite and may not have been keen on the move at all. They may get to their new school and really enjoy it of find it is the opposite of what they were expecting and be entirely overwhelmed! They may enjoy the newfound freedom or be caught in the fear of never seeing their loved ones that stayed behind again. Much of this is really unknown and very hard to predict.
There are many factors that impact on and affect the immigration process for our children, things like age, temperament, personality, preparation and family connection all play an important role in how our children adapt and adjust. There are a couple of things we can do as parents, to prepare and support our children during this period of adjustment. During preparation phase it is important to inform them as soon as immigration becomes imminent. Explaining to them what it means at an age-appropriate level and providing ample opportunity to farewell their friends and find closure in things like finishing up school, sports clubs etc., can make the world of difference.
Once you have arrived in your new State/Suburb/Town, the settling in phase, you can involve them as far as possible in the process of finding a home and exploring schools. They will be the ones to spend 30+ hours a week at school, and it is vital that they feel comfortable there. This brings about a second recommendation I always have for parents. Involve them as soon as possible in sports & clubs related to things they know and enjoy. This means more than one avenue of social interaction and more than one avenue of social inclusion. The number one antidote against bullying is preventing isolation. By belonging to more than one group we minimise the possibility of isolation (and idleness).
Maintain family and friend connections ‘back home’ and make an effort on special days that would have been family days.
You can expect to see their emotions and behaviour fluctuate. Boys tend to externalise and are more likely to present behavioural problems such as aggression and defiance, whereas girls tend to internalise and are likely to demonstrate higher levels of anxiety and depression. They may go from being happy and excited to sad, to angry and back up and around again– this is very normal. The “happy” is not an issue but the other two can be hard to deal with when you are dealing with your own stress as well. Patience is key, and remembering it is not about you. Let your child know you love them and are they for them when they are ready. Connect – often, even when they do not want to go on that walk or hike. I am yet to meet a child or teen who is not up for a slushie!
If you ever get concerned, or feel like your child is just not adjusting, remember you don’t have to do it all alone. It takes a village. Reach out – if not to your local support community, to a professional. If you can find a therapist who is familiar with the process of immigration it can be very beneficial as the insight is different to someone who has not been through that process.
With time and guidance, they adjust and embrace their new lives and bright futures, embracing their new culture and maintaining what is beautiful of their heritage!
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