It shouldn't be this hard!

You've gone your entire life looking at the person in the mirror asking "What is wrong with me? I know I'm different, but how?" You've spent days observing those around you and copying their behaviours to a tee... in the hopes to not stand out as much, knowing deep down no matter how hard you try you will never quite fit in. Nothing you do or achieve matters - it feels fake, because most other parts of your behaviour is just that, you wear a mask most parts of most days and anything achieved whilst wearing that mask becomes invalid, because...the mask. When all is quiet and you are alone, the thoughts start racing and you go down an abyss of over-analysing : Is the problem with me? Is the problem with the world? What do I need to do for the anguish to stop?! It gets so bad, that falling asleep crying, when you finally do fall asleep is not even a strange experience. One day you finally come across what may look like an answer. Information crosses your path and you identify that you don't fit into the typical world because you are not typical, your brain is not typical, in fact it is the opposite of typical, which might be okay because there are other brains like yours out there. Suddenly there is hope, a sense of relief and a way to possibly get some answers. It takes time to move to the next step which is exploring this with a professional - with the experts, because you think you know, but you don't know for sure. It takes time because that little voice in your head, the one that knows how long you have copied others and masked you experiences starts taunting you. "Maybe this is just like that?! Maybe it is just another instance if trying to fit in somewhere.. What then?" Finally you muster up the courage to book that appointment and attend it. Only to be questioned about your experience like you are on trial, or to be told you need an external person to observe and validate your internal experiences, the experiences that you have been hiding for years.... "external corroboration" they call it.. your heart sinks, because your worst fears have just been confirmed, this may very well all be in your head.

Unfortunately, this is an experience all too many women and girls with neurodiverse brains know well.

Whether it is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or autism spectrum disorder (ASD), the way we experience our world and the way our experience of our world shows up for and in us is so very different from the expectations captured in validated instruments and measures that it often gets missed or overlooked. It is frequently not understood nor respected professionals or experts in the medical world because it can look like many other things. This is exactly why it is important to know how to advocate for yourself and exactly the reason for writing this blog post today. If this sounds familiar, share your experience , challenges and wins in the comments, and if you are still on this journey needing some help in navigating and figuring this out, subscribe or follow for more information on this!