Empty Nest Syndrome: A phenomenon in which parents experience distress and intense emotional sadness following their children's departure from the family home. We all want our children to grow up and lead independent lives. When they are born we quite often eagerly share our hopes and dreams for their futures. We capture every moment, every milestone on camera, video and memory. We push and encourage, we guide and discipline. We sacrifice and we move mountains to provide access to opportunities for growth and success.
You see it so often on immigrant & expat groups "we are doing it for the children", "we are leaving everything we know and love behind so they can have a future", or "remember if you stayed your children would be worse off for sure"..
Our children provide us with purpose and much of our lives, and routines revolve around that of our children, even those who say theirs don't do to some extent consider their children at the centre of their universe, and so long they are there for us to see and embrace and talk to and reprimand, things are fine and the world is normal. The problem is - they grow up.
they move out.
sometimes the move away.
Suddenly the 7 am Saturday soccer trips are really never to be repeated, nor the late night school concerts. The obligations of caring for and raising another human being is no more and suddenly there is all this time!
You may feel excited at the new chapter in life, all this newfound freedom and time. You might travel, or learn a new skill, pick up a new hobby even study. However for some letting go is bittersweet. There may be waves of sadness, a loss of purpose, anger and resentment at time gone forever fear of the future Parents may experience marital stress when they realise they are no longer the people they were pre-children.
Like our children had to learn and embrace each stage of development as they grew, so do we when they go. New challenges may involve:
Establishing a new kind of relationshp with our adult children
Establishing a new 'couple dynamic' with our partners.
Establishing a new 'purpose' or identity
How?
Realise the nest is never reallly empty - they will be back for their favourite desert, or to watch the game or to have a button sewed on! However silly it sounds, they will always find a reason to find their way back.
Be open - to getting to know your partner again, explore together and have new adventures. Date night!
Find new purpose - community groups, volunteering, interest groups. There are many opportunities in your local community where your parent experience, logistics and coordination would be welcomed with open arms!
Acknowledge how you feel, and talk about it. Connect with friends, and family. If you need to schedule in a couple of sessions with a therapist.
Whilst research has shown that 'empty nest syndrome' can lead to episodes of depression and anxiety, more recent research has also revealed that this stage of life can bring about growth and opportunity.This new stage in your life is normal. It like childbirth is going to happen, there is no alternative...the only control is in how you choose to embrace it.
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