November 17th is a day that marks stopping violence against women. It is a day that lies close to my heart and a day I am passionate about. Normally I spend this day talking about male violence against women, because statistically that is the kind of violence with the worst thinkable outcome for some. It has been for some 60 odd women this year. Today though, I experienced something a bit different, but much the same. I received a call from someone in a different state who has been in business not nearly as long as I have - they informed me that I was practicing in their business name and that I was to surrender my webhandle immediately... The practically told me to hand over my baby.... the baby I have nurtured and grown for years now. Anchor Counselling and Coaching Services has operated proudly on the Gold Coast, online and internationally even under my care. It has grown from a small seed into a trusted community brand! This person likely trawelled the internet, found something they liked and decided to hijack it. They called me on my business number to try to pressure me into giving them their way regardless of what existed before.. they tried to use perceived power to coerce and control me... coercive control at it's finest...and as if that wasn't enough they thought it good to follow up with a threatening email some 12 hours later. Yes you guessed it - GASLIGHTING! I felt isolated and alone. Someone was putting me in a position where they were making me feel threatened and everything I have worked for was threatened by association. I was saddened that on a day we advocate for no violence against women, no physical violence, no sexual violence, no emotional, violence and no psychological violence I felt violated not only by another woman, but by another mental health professional. I felt alone. Helpless. Powerless. ISOLATED. Isolation is a very dangerous feeling. It is a dark place. It feels like drowning and you can see the shoreline or land. It's tiring and you are torn between staying afloat and just surrendering. It is accompanied by feelings of intense frustration, anger even, sadness, guilt, self-loathing and despair. Imagine living in this day in and day out, weeks, months, years even.... Isolation is the perfect breeding ground for coercive control. More than this, it is the melting pot for mental health disorders.... every mood disorder ever is put together with these ingredients. The sad reality .. these ingredients are added to your mind the container of the essence of who you are by another person who has an insatiable need for power and control. I did something in the midst of what felt like a spiral. I reached out. I reached out to a community and what happened next was indescribably powerful. They community stepped up. They surrounded me with compassion, support, empathy, advice and encouragement. As I digested this I felt a wave was over me. This wave was very different to the ISOLATION I felt mere hours before. I felt less alone, validated, determined and empowered. These are all the things I strive to organically create when I support women. They are all the things that I know matter. Experiencing that so fully, so beautifully left me in tears - a different kind this time.
This matter will be ongoing for now. I will keep my clients abreast of any changes. For now it is business as usual. In the meantime I wanted to relay this as a moment of reflection on a meaningful experience. I want to encourage women today. Check on your she-tribe. Make sure the women in your life know they are not alone. Make sure they know they matter. Make sure they know they have at least one person on the other side of the table, phone or screen...Never underestimate the power of connection as it is our biggest weapon against isolation which is probably the biggest contributing factor to continued victimisation .
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